I'm trying out for Scientology!

I pulled this from one of my favorite blogs: "Hey Jenny Slater" (listed as SEC Blog in my links section). These are questions from a Scientology Questionnaire.. And they are fantastic. I wonder what my score would be..

Have you ever enslaved a population?
Yeah, this is the first question. It will only get better.

Have you ever killed the wrong person?
No. If anything I've been letting too many of the wrong people live.

Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?

So.. Are these questions being asked in prison? Is that where scientologists try to convert people.. Because so far I’m killing, enslaving, and ripping out tongues.

Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?
Dr. Crazymind. Says it all.

Have you ever been a pimp?
Have I ever NOT been?

Ugh.. I’m sorry.

Have you ever eaten a human body?
Wow.

Have you ever been a professional executioner?
No, I’ve never done it professionally.

Have you ever set a booby trap?
I tried really hard to figure out how this makes sense. What kind of serious ramifications could there be to this? I mean, eating human bodies.. I get the ramifications. But booby traps?

Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?
No. Denise can always count on me.

Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
I admit that I did, but I swear that I have changed my ways.

Have you systematically set up mysteries?
That seems to be your job. I feel like I’m having a conversation with the Riddler.

Have you ever zapped anyone?I’ve tried many times to get Righton to touch the electric bug zapper without success.

Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
I hope that on the actual questionnaire this is the last question. The mention of STDs is always a great way to end a conversation.